Yooroes. The futbaal, not the funny munny.

Reet, noo befor a staht duz anyone reely think that wuz had a chance at the Yooroes? Come on, be honest noo.

Arse

Well if any of yuz did a can ownly say that yuz ar daft in the heed. Listenen tu them stupid gobshites on the telly'll dee that tu a porson. That Sheara and Alan Hansen and him wi the lugs off the crisps advort. Thus aal taalk rubbish, man. Just tell wu aal wat wu want tu hear, and after twenty minits on the telly they are sent yem in the showffa driven caars tu play golf.

The last time ah went tu see a futbaal match it cost us the best part of fowty pund. Fowty pund! It's true that the giv yuz a seat these days - nae standin arroond aal hemmed in with some drunk pissn in ya cowt pockit - but fowty pund? Haway man, du thu not knaa how much dole is these days?

Wayne Rooney

Footbaalas nivver seem tu be off the telly these days - if its not on a sport show it'll be some advort for trainers or lash or summink - and, noo haway, thu not the sharpest chisels in the box, are thu? Wud yee buy a hundred pund bottle o lash just cos Mickey Rooney sez he wares it? 

Thus summick abboot that lad and a cannit quite put me finga on it, but ee luks diffrent since ee got married...

Anyway, wuz got nocked oot on plenaties agen. Aal them wages thu get from oor fowty poond tickets and hundred poond borrels o lash wu divvent buy and thu cannit kick a little baal inta a geat net just a few fut away.

Load of shite thu are, the lorrathem.