Gannin t the shops...

Ah used tu love tu gaan tu the shops, me.

Forra staart it got yu oot the hoose forra bit which was a blessun if yu was fiten with your lass or lad. even if yu just went an got a paket o mintybullets from the sweety shop...and a knaa, let's be honest, yu cud nip intu the boozer for a quick gill anaal cos the minty bullets wud hide the smell of beer on yu breathe.

A Friendly Neighbourhood Shop

And yu divvent have tu buy a geat load either. Yu can gaan in and the butcha'll slice yu off just enough boiled ham forra one samwidge and a little dod of pease pudden an stuffen to spread on it so nen gaans tu waste in the fridge.Syem in the fruit shop...one tomata, haalf a lettus, a bit onion, a bit cucumba and thez a fresh salad just for ye. An if yu want anotha one the next day yu just gaan back the next day and get mair. Aaal fresh.

When yo gaan in Asda and Morrisons yu see these geat five stone bags of taties and thu might luk cheap, but ya nivva use them aal! Thus just gaan soft and yu hef tu hoy them oot. Syem with aall these geat hods o stuff they try tu makes wuz aall buy. A box o twenty-fower eggs? How langs it ganna tak yu tu use aal them? Buy half a duzzen fresh and leave the rest in the shop for sum bugger else. Ya divvent ivvor need twenty fower eggs in ya hoose man!

Shoppin the days borin as owt. Thes naeware tu browse arroond...nae bonny winda displays tu luk at nor nowt. Yu just gaan into yu shop, get ya stuff, come oot and gaan back yem. Yull probly have spent about sixty pund aanaal like, but that's by the bye.

Well yknaa wat? Sod it ah say. Since ah foond out yu can gaan on the computa telly and pick what yu want off of a list and an oor later it comes tu ya door in a van aal in carrier bags ah dee that. Saves havven tu hump tins and pop from doon toon on the bus. Aa knaa yu pays a little bit forrit, but its cheapa than a taxi...and a taxis ownly a bit dearer than a busfare these days inyway.

Divvent get us wraang, ah still gaan doontoon...ownly norraz often as a used te. If nowt else it keeps us up tu date with wees got the best offaz on thu mobile phones...

How bluddy much?

Yuz ahll areet?

Gud.

Noo wuz aahl knaa its a fact of life that prices nivvor come doon, thu aalwaze just gaan upnupnup. Ah suppose it can aanly be expected, cos wu wages and dole and pensions gaan up an aal, but, hey man, these guverrments are just taken a lend of wu.

When we war little wuz used tu ask for a cupple o pence to get some sweets off the ice cream man...a hord a bairn the utha day asken es mutha for a poond. A poond tu by bullets! And then, when ah saw what the bairn got forees poond ah cudnt believe it agen. A scabby little bit o choklit and a chewy thing. Es mutha asked um why e hadn't got a cana pop e sez shu hadn't givvunum enuf money!

Annits not just bairns either. The price yuz hav tu pay to gaan oot for a pint noo, it's just not reet. It's nae wunda the pubs are haffin tu shut, thu munny thu asken for the beer.

Three poond forra pint o pissy lager. Three poond!!! And that's cheap, ahve been telt. Sum swankytime wine bars'll chaarge yu fower pund! And yu knaa wat? Wuzar that daft wuz'll pay for the bugga!

The pub manajas aal say its not there fault wat thu have tu chaarge. 'It's aal set by the brewries' thu tell ya when ya say owt, but a divvent believe it forra secund. Thus wud rathha sit with an empty room sellin one beer an oor at a manky profit than havin a full room and sellun 100 pints an oor at less profits. It's aal aboot 'maargins' and not 'tornova'. Well ahll tell yu wat, thus can aahl clase for me, aah wud ratha sit in me own chair in me own hoose with a case o beer from Asda and watch me own telly and piss in me own netty.

Bluddy brewrys and landlords...bunch a bluddy rackiteers, the lorrathum. Worse than the bluddy Provvy.

Wat happund there?

It's been braht tu me attenshun that thus wez a birova problem with the forst post on this new thingummajig. Me 'Ghost Author' (that Mabley fella loves tu give eesel fancy titles) sez e pressed the wrang button by mistake.

A likely story if ivvor a hord one. Duzznt knaa wat ees deein, mair like.

Well noo, it's nearly summa. It's been hoyin it doon with rain this last few days so it meks yu think what kind of wetha wuz are ganna have ower the holldas. Are wuz ganna get some sun for a few days in a raa or what?

Some Lasses On The Drink In The Snedge

It aalwez meks me laff wen wuzz get a sunny day. Gaan doon King Street and yu see aal the lads with the tops off waalkin aroond, showin off the skinny chists and aal them tattoos.

And the lasses! eeh, lad! Some of them are a proppa sight!

Now divvent gerruz wrang here. Thuz nowt the marra with a big lass, but howay hinnies, thuz just some things yuz cannit wear, man! Owt thats skin-tight for a staat, espeshally wen its got stripes gannin across.

And dee yersels a favour noo when yus are yunguns and hoy some suncream on ya showlders. It'll stop thum gannin aal red raa and peely. Dee it noo while yu skins aal soft, and not in a few yors time whens its aal gone like letha.

Picture (c) Shields Gazette

Ah see in the gazett pyeppa there yuz can sit ootside Dickers noo with ya pasties and that. Looks canny, but watch oot for them seagulls mind...thull have ya slavery dip oot ya hand an doon there geat gobs in a flash! Gaans withoot sayin tu waatch oot for them shiten on ya, anaal.

Folks gaan on abooy the seagulls but, y'knaa, wuz live in a coastal toon so wat du yu expect? Parrots?



Just think yasells lucky Sheels isn't in the middle of the Serengetti and thus not hoards of Widlebeeste stampedun up an doon Fowler Street.

Reet, am sick ov taalkin noo. Ahl let Knackaz type me wards up so e can make them gaan on the computer telly for yuz aal tu read and that.

A think ah'll gaan an gerra cornet or a 99 from minchies.