How bluddy much?

Yuz ahll areet?

Gud.

Noo wuz aahl knaa its a fact of life that prices nivvor come doon, thu aalwaze just gaan upnupnup. Ah suppose it can aanly be expected, cos wu wages and dole and pensions gaan up an aal, but, hey man, these guverrments are just taken a lend of wu.

When we war little wuz used tu ask for a cupple o pence to get some sweets off the ice cream man...a hord a bairn the utha day asken es mutha for a poond. A poond tu by bullets! And then, when ah saw what the bairn got forees poond ah cudnt believe it agen. A scabby little bit o choklit and a chewy thing. Es mutha asked um why e hadn't got a cana pop e sez shu hadn't givvunum enuf money!

Annits not just bairns either. The price yuz hav tu pay to gaan oot for a pint noo, it's just not reet. It's nae wunda the pubs are haffin tu shut, thu munny thu asken for the beer.

Three poond forra pint o pissy lager. Three poond!!! And that's cheap, ahve been telt. Sum swankytime wine bars'll chaarge yu fower pund! And yu knaa wat? Wuzar that daft wuz'll pay for the bugga!

The pub manajas aal say its not there fault wat thu have tu chaarge. 'It's aal set by the brewries' thu tell ya when ya say owt, but a divvent believe it forra secund. Thus wud rathha sit with an empty room sellin one beer an oor at a manky profit than havin a full room and sellun 100 pints an oor at less profits. It's aal aboot 'maargins' and not 'tornova'. Well ahll tell yu wat, thus can aahl clase for me, aah wud ratha sit in me own chair in me own hoose with a case o beer from Asda and watch me own telly and piss in me own netty.

Bluddy brewrys and landlords...bunch a bluddy rackiteers, the lorrathum. Worse than the bluddy Provvy.

60 Glorious Yors...

Ahve had a luk at the numbahs and a can see that a canny few o yuz read me words that me 'Ghost Writer' Nackaz Mabley typed into the computa telly. Well, as lang as yees read thum then aal keep taakin aboot stuff.  Nowt heavy or nowt, nowt that ganna change the whorld. Ahm not that clivvor for a staart-off.

Wotchin the news and readin the pyeppas yu cannit help but notice that its cummin up to the Queens Jubilee. Sixty yors shus been Queen for. Seen off loads of them Prime Ministers, shu has. Chorchill and Thatcha and the rest, and shus still gannin strang. Bluddy marvelus, shu is.

Now a knaa a lorruvyus divven't like the Royal Family.

'They are out of touch with the ordinary people' yuz say.

'They've never done a days work in thee lives' sez uthas.

In one way ah can see wat yuz mean. Yu can bet the Queens nivvor had tu run oot tu the shops at sivven acloclk at neet for a loafabreed an two oonces o' boiled ham cos shud forgot tu put Phillip's bait up, an e was on orlies at Brighams next mornin.

But luk at it the utha way. Even when shu got yem of a neet and kicked a shoes off and hung a croon up, shu was still the Queen. Nae days off, nae pullin a sickie, nae gannin doon the bingo for couple o hooses and the late link-up. Nah, ivvery oor of ivvery day shus the Queen. For that a think shu desorves a bit of respect.

Noo, a bairns on the utha hand...

Wat happund there?

It's been braht tu me attenshun that thus wez a birova problem with the forst post on this new thingummajig. Me 'Ghost Author' (that Mabley fella loves tu give eesel fancy titles) sez e pressed the wrang button by mistake.

A likely story if ivvor a hord one. Duzznt knaa wat ees deein, mair like.

Well noo, it's nearly summa. It's been hoyin it doon with rain this last few days so it meks yu think what kind of wetha wuz are ganna have ower the holldas. Are wuz ganna get some sun for a few days in a raa or what?

Some Lasses On The Drink In The Snedge

It aalwez meks me laff wen wuzz get a sunny day. Gaan doon King Street and yu see aal the lads with the tops off waalkin aroond, showin off the skinny chists and aal them tattoos.

And the lasses! eeh, lad! Some of them are a proppa sight!

Now divvent gerruz wrang here. Thuz nowt the marra with a big lass, but howay hinnies, thuz just some things yuz cannit wear, man! Owt thats skin-tight for a staat, espeshally wen its got stripes gannin across.

And dee yersels a favour noo when yus are yunguns and hoy some suncream on ya showlders. It'll stop thum gannin aal red raa and peely. Dee it noo while yu skins aal soft, and not in a few yors time whens its aal gone like letha.

Picture (c) Shields Gazette

Ah see in the gazett pyeppa there yuz can sit ootside Dickers noo with ya pasties and that. Looks canny, but watch oot for them seagulls mind...thull have ya slavery dip oot ya hand an doon there geat gobs in a flash! Gaans withoot sayin tu waatch oot for them shiten on ya, anaal.

Folks gaan on abooy the seagulls but, y'knaa, wuz live in a coastal toon so wat du yu expect? Parrots?



Just think yasells lucky Sheels isn't in the middle of the Serengetti and thus not hoards of Widlebeeste stampedun up an doon Fowler Street.

Reet, am sick ov taalkin noo. Ahl let Knackaz type me wards up so e can make them gaan on the computer telly for yuz aal tu read and that.

A think ah'll gaan an gerra cornet or a 99 from minchies.

Y'areet there, Hinny?

Reet. Noo aahv been on the internet for ages, me, and it's aall canny good and that but thez summik missun. Summick wrang!

Yuz can gaan tu this Google and type summick in, like a word or summik, press a button and aal these screeds o' more words'll aal come on on the computa telly. And yu knaa what, thus are aal in geet posh Inglush like what thu speak on the BBC and in that London doon sooth.

Well, that's aal well and canny, but wuz just daint taalk like that, man! Not in Sheels anyway. Although thu might in 'Cleeding Veelaj', ah wudn't knaa tho. Aahv aanly been there wunce and ah got hoyed oot o' the Brit for sittun in somebuggers chair. Ah thort thu aanly did that in the Sima club...

Anyway, this is a Sheels blog where wuz can taalk in Sheels words and not bother with aal this posh palaver.

Come back shortly and read me forst proppa thingy. See yz aal in a minit.