The Telly

If thus wan thing thats changed a geat load on peoples hooses ower the last fowerty yor it's graa be the telly.

Hor Madgesties recent do forra sixty yors on the throne (nae netty jokes, please) was shown aall aroond the whorld, but the day shu was Coronated was aalso on the telly. Wu didn't watch it in wor hoose mind, cos wu nivvor had one. A telly that is, not a hoose. Of course wu had a hoose. Ivvryone did in them days, but ahm gannin off me point.

Nah, we went roon tu me aunties hoose tu watch it cos she had a birra money...me uncle was treasurer of the [withheld for legal reasons - Ed] Club...and they had theraan telly. Gorrit from Roberts in Fowler Street.

An Owld Telly

Yu shud a seen it! A geat big wood box it waz, with a pitcha aboot the size of a bettin slip. And it was black and white. Wuz aal had tu sit still in the room when wuz wa watchin it in case we got in the way of the beams gannin tu the aerial on the top. Ivry time a lorry went past ootside the picture went aal wiggly and snedgy. And me mutha made us wear a tie annaal, cos she said wu had tu luk decent for The Queen. Am sure shu though they could see wuz from Westmininster Chorch.

Just compare that with wat wuv got the day. The telly wor lads got nooadays is bigga than wor bath! Forst time a went roond his and saw it hanggin on the waal a thought it was a new winda. Then when e switched it on and a saw how canny the piksha waz...well man, a had tu get mesell one.

Noo ahm not a great one fer getting stuff on tick...these banks'll have yu eyes and come back for yu sockets...so a got mesel a Provvy ticket and went to that catlog shop where Binns used to be, ower the road from where the polis station used tu be. Yu knaa the polis station? Next tu wear the fire brigade used to be. Aye, there. The lad come withus and helped us pick a canny model and the blokes came with it in a van the next day.

Ah left aal the settin up tu him, like. Ahm nay use wi wires and stuff like that, but he can dee it. Cannit measure in feet and inches mind, but e nahs wear tu stick the wires.

So there was waz, aall sittun in frunt of me new telly with me sattylite box aall plumbed in and a few cans in the fridge and, y'knaa wat?

AH CUDDNT FIND A BLUDDY THING TU WATCH!!!!!